emotional and restless

Something else about my adhd is that I can have very intense emotions, that sometimes come from nowhere... Like to tonight... I just feel agitated... I don't know why I'm feeling agitated though I just do, I just am feeling hypersensitive about everything, really irritable about nothingness. Almost like the feeling I get in my body when I've been sitting still for too long.... Hmmm maybe I have been sitting for too long, cuz I have been sitting for too long. But I really want to watch this show but sitting here I think is making me crazy and I wasn't even realizing it... Oh gosh now I'm going crazy... I just tried the voice recording hinge on his Evernote, that's kind of cool... I can record voice notes too. Holy crap not to sound cliche but I feel EXTREMELY ADHD RIGHT NOW. Something else about my adhd is that I can have very intense emotions, that sometimes come from nowhere... Like to tonight... I just feel agitated... I don't know why I'm feeling agitated though I just do, I just am feeling hypersensitive about everything, really irritable about nothingness. Almost like the feeling I get in my body when I've been sitting still for too long.... Hmmm maybe I have been sitting for too long, cuz I have been sitting for too long. But I really want to watch this show but sitting here I think is making me crazy and I wasn't even realizing it... Oh gosh now I'm going crazy... I just tried the voice recording hinge on his Evernote, that's kind of cool... I can record voice notes too

growing up with adhd, and not knowing it... (at least the parts of the story i remember)

It's been a while since I sat and thought about how things used to be, because I've come a long way. Growing up I always just felt different, I knew I was different but for the longest time I didn't know what it was, I just knew that I wasn't like everyone else, and everyone else knew that too. I've always been hugely hyperactive, much more than any other little girl was. I was always moving, always touching, poking at people and a lot of them thought I was weird and different, and they let me know that, especially the other girls. I usually did well in school, but I think it was because it was one thing that I knew I could do well at and it was something I could feel good about. Haha then again, I was always so distracted when I tried to do my work, it took me hours and hours every night to just get a small amount of homework done, that others could get done in no time, not because I didn't know my stuff, but I was so dang distracted, daydreaming, fidgeting with something else, etc, etc. I've always been really hypersensitive too, to the point that I only ever wore loose fitting, baggy clothes, which also made me different, haha lets face it I did look weird, but it was the only thing that was comfortable for me. As I got older, and started becoming a teenager, it just got harder, because of all the ridicule and being an outcast, I became just that, I became so withdrawn, and shut everyone out, while still trying to reach out because that was my nature, it was confusing. I was so confused about who I was and wanted to know what was "wrong" with me, but at the same time, I was to stubborn to ask for help. It was so frustrating to feel so different and not know what was going on. My parents always loved me, and were always so proud of me for the things that accomplished, they worried about me yes, but were always there for me. As I got a little older, I realized that even if I was different, I didn't want to spend my life being unhappy with who I was and letting others make me feel like less than I knew I was. So i decided to change, to start looking up, no matter what came down on me, which was really hard, but slowly I was headed up! Then I started college and finally decided to get some help. I went to see a councilor, finally, who, haha from the start diagnosed me with ADHD! I though he was going to tell me I was depressed and was really taken by surprise when after our talk he asked if I had ever been tested for ADHD! HUH?! He said that I hadn't stopped moving and fidgeting the whole time I had been there, and every time his computer made a noise, or something flashed on the screen, it always caught my attention... it was weird, but also the turning point in my life, for good. He had me tested, and prescribed ritalin, and I will never forget the first time I took that pill... it was amazing! For the first time in my life it was like my whole body let out a sigh of relief, for the first time in my life I sat completely still without it hurting! Everything was clearer, it was amazing! Now it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, there was still having to get my body used to taking meds, there was getting used to when they wore off at night and getting used to and over the side effects and so on, it's still hard, BUT I've learned to look at things in a whole new light, I've learned to love and be happy with who I am, even though every day I struggle with moderate/severe ADHD. Not many people will ever understand what I go through every day, and ADHD will never go away, but what matters is what I do! I can choose to let myself feel down and out, and I can let all the crappy symptoms of ADHD get the better of me, or I can just keep looking forward, embrace my different and who I am, people now (most people, like the ones that matter) respect and love me for the things that make me different, and respect that I can be who I am, and not care what people think. Now, don't get me wrong, there are still people who look down on me, or who see my "different" as having something wrong with me, there will always be people like that. I just have to choose to not let those people bring me down. My own husband has a very hard time dealing with and accepting my ADHD, he doesn't understand why I change so much, why I was acting a certain way a week ago, but this week I'm on the other end of the spectrum, why yesterday I handled something one way, and today it's different, he doesn't get why I'm so loud and crazy, he has a really hard time with it, and there's a lot more to it than that but I won't go in to much too detail. The other night I told him that I wanted him to be completely honest, and I wouldn't get my feeling hurt, but I asked him if sometimes he wished I was just normal, and he said yes, but he does wish that he could understand enough that he didn't sometimes feel that way. I can't even imagine what it will be like to be a mom with adhd, haha I can barely take care of myself, I certainly hope that I can take care of another life. Life with ADHD will always be an adventure, especially when I choose to look at it that way. Yes, things were very hard growing up, and things will continue to be hard every day, but all I have to know is that I can do it.

about emotional attachement

so if this statement seems weird and hard to understand, don't try to understand it because it will probably just sound bad haha...

I've experienced feelings like before, but not just out of the blue. And I do think that it has a lot to do with my adhd. sometimes detachment is how i deal with things, heck i think a lot of people without adhd might deal with things like that. For me, detachment comes when someone has hurt me. When someone hurts me, emotionally, and badly enough, I (often without realizing it) tend to detach myself from them and really distance myself from them, it's like if it's going to be a problem, i just head out. I don't like to think i'm "running away from my problems" just subconsciously avoiding potential future problems. It has made marriage interesting. My husband accuses me at times of not caring or not holding his hand as often or cuddling or accepting his help... but these things really only start to become a problem when he has said or done something that has hurt my feelings, etc. So i guess i just tend to become detached to avoid unhappiness. And while I do completely understand that depression is a valid reason to worry about and be detached, thats not where my detachment issues come from. Also, I've read other people's forums and comments about how it's just plain hard to keep in touch or keep up with people when they aren't right there every day, and not because I don't care, but I become accidentally detached because there are so many crazy things going on "right in front of me" or in my head, that I don't realize I've become detached! I don't know if that makes any sense, but it does in my head :)

Friendships...

this was in response to a forum discussion about how hard it is to make friends sometimes when you have adhd...

No, you aren't alone, growing up I did have a lot of trouble making and keeping friends, and it was probably because I acted like a 7 yr old boy, and not a 15 yr old girl. I have the uh what is it ADHD combined whatever, and it's fairly severe, so I'm extremely hyperactive, which is what that was but I never knew that growing up. I'm in college now, and when my meds wear off at the end of the day ( I take them throughout most of the day), I can become very hyperactive, if not just very anxious and I've had a few roommates that just don't know how to handle me, and sometimes that makes things just not work out. People wonder why a girl in her 20's is almost bouncing off the walls sometimes.. :) But at the same time I notice that when I do find a good friend, I can be a really good friend, and even though there are a lot of people that don't know how to handle me, I have some of the best closest friends anyone could ask for. I guess I got really lucky a few times :) and those other people, well it's there loss. I think it's really just a learning process that might be harder with ADHD, and sometimes you just get lucky enough to meet people who will be understanding and love you anyway! But for me it's just about learning, doing what I could.

Read more: http://adderworld.ning.com/forum/topics/friendships-2?commentId=2091449%3AComment%3A101881&xg_source=activity#ixzz1rcxrgcP4

you know you have adhd when....

One time I was making cookies with my roommate and I rolled them out and put them on the cookie sheet, had already cooked one batch and then sat down and was like oh i forgot to set the timer! so they need 8 minutes blah blah so like 15 minutes later i went over to get them out, having forgotten about the... then I got over and there on the counter were the raw cookies that I hadn't even put in the oven and didn't even realize it!! so then we put them in and my roommate had to finish them! not to mention i keep leaving my phone everywhere and never really remembering where it went, or setting the remote down and then a second later not knowing where it went...

energy drinks?!...

just sharing what i've experienced, i don't like the idea of energy drinks, i don't usually drink them. One time though I was up at college and ran out of pills, having forgotten to make an appointment with my doctor to get a new prescription early enough. So at that point i was just out of meds for a few days. My roommates brother was a psychiatrist, and she called him to ask for some advice (and this is obviously just his professional opinion and every doctor is different) but he told her that when some people he diagnoses don't want a stimulant medication, he'll actually prescribe them caffeine pills instead, and suggested i try something like that and honestly it was my idea to get a caffeinated drink, but it had a lot of the types of caffeine that he listed as substitutes, so i tried it, and it worked!! not quite as well as my meds did, but it actually made me feel much more calm and in control. I try not to drink them, but in an emergency, say like i'm somewhere that i cant get a hold of my meds, i use it as a back up plan. thats just my experience though.

Dancing with myself... or talking... :)

Soooo I had a really good one that I was going to write, so I came here, to this page and then saw someone else's post, and read it, and then went and looked at their page and some other things, and got completely distracted, so there's one, and by the time I realized I had gotten distracted I forgot what it was that I was going to say! .... but then after some hard and frustrated thinking... well actually it came back to me when I gave up trying to remember, and I dunno if anyone else does this, I think I read about someone else doing it once as well... but it's totally part of my ADHD, and I didn't really realize how much I did it until one of my roommates pointed it out, but sometimes I talk to myself, when I'm trying to think of something that I need to do, or when I have an important thought, or other times like that, and I know why I do it too. It's because sometimes when I try and think those thoughts in my head to myself, I lose track of them in the crazy jumble of other things going a million miles an hour in there... and the important thought or feeling gets lost or forgotten. That's also why I really like being able to talk things through with someone, partly for advise, and partly because saying it out loud to someone makes it so I can hear it and really think it through, cuz otherwise it would get lost in there... I'm not gonna lie, sometimes, I'll have to talk a problem out to myself cuz I don't lose track as easily if it's out loud. wow that is probly a drawn out explanation. my bad. aka sometimes i talk to myself.