always discovering

reading. reading a textbook. It used to take me HOURS to read through a textbook assignment... the only reason it doesn't anymore is because I don't have many assignments like that anymore. Wow, sometimes it would take me an hour to read through one page and catch something important! I used to wonder why it was so hard for me, and why it didn't seem to be so hard for other people. Haha needless to say, I didn't always get a lot of my reading assignments done... I couldn't. It's still hard to do, with medication, (not as hard) if it's more than just a few pages... the worst was trying to read my scriptures! I LOVE reading them but would start, and be going, and suddenly a chapter later I missed all of it!! This last time when I started reading I looked at Meghan, my roommate and said "This is the first time I'll actually be able to read it through and grasp it!!" I was so excited, every time before that I've started, it would just be the same thing, night after night, I just absolutely could not stay focused on it!! But now I can!! I'm so excited!!

In response to a question about boredom....
oh holy cow... just the idea of boredom is physically agonizing for me... Luke's description looks close to right, I mean I don't know if it makes me angry, but it certainly does drive me crazy!! Because of the life I lead, whether I'm at college trying to make it through or at home dealing with family situations... I always have ideas of what to do, and things I want to do... get out, get going, be moving and active and something!!... but not always the means to do them, because of certain situations.... boredom for me, when it does come is physically painful. It's ridiculous and no one understands... it makes my skin crawl.... because my mind and my body want to go and do and create and explore but for some reason or another I end up stuck in some nasty situation... like keeping a job that is boring or having responsibilities or circumstances that make it unavoidable... I absolutely hate boredom... bored to tears? painfully bored?? yea those are literal and real for someone with ADHD.

In response to a question about distractions...
pretty sure just about everything can distract me... i get sooooo easily distracted from homework... facebook, now adder world, friends, music, writing/blogging, guitar, art, pictures, food, texts/phone calls, thinking of something I want to read or learn about and suddenly I've been searching online for an hour or two, games... really just about anything!! I'm a ridiculous daydreamer!! I miss a lot in classes and especially when I'm trying to read something!! You know one of those things where you're reading and suddenly you realize it's been 3 pages and you missed all of it!! To get things done, if i really put my mind to it, and constantly remind myself how important it is... but I need encouragement still sometimes... haha I don't even know... I'll get distracted from something and then distracted from whatever distracted me and then something else and the list goes on... right now I should be sleeping but even that doesn't seem to get done!!

In response to still having dreams despite my ADHD
I learn something new every day with my ADHD, and I have so many big dreams!! Nothing is going to stop me, in fact reading everyone's stories and commets on this site helps me out a lot and also helps me see ways that I can use my ADHD to my advantage. Don't get me wrong, it's a struggle and it stinks, but I've read so many positive uplifting things here that help me out a lot!!

So as one of my goals, i want to start to find the up side, the positive... and learn some ways to use my ADHD to my advantage. I want to graduate college, I'm so close and I've worked so hard!! I want to have a family someday! I want to be able to control my ADHD, to have even just moments when my medication is gone for the day where I can set it aside and just be me, and feel so good. I want to have more confidence in myself, I know that there are amazing things inside of me and such amazing potential, I just need to break down the walls and see it. It has been so hard, but I can do this!! I want to be a better friend, and a better big sister... having ADHD growing up and not knowing about it made for some interesting situations with my younger brother and sisters, but I'm working through things and I'm already starting to progress in so many ways!!

Also, just as a side note, I'm so excited to have found this website!! It's so amazing to be able to read about and interact with people who do understand!!! It's amazing!! I get so frustrated sometimes, not necessarily at people, but just that I can't make anyone understand! I hope to make friend here, and if anything, see/read about people who go through some of the same things I do, and learn.

wow that's awesome!! I've only known for just over a year, and I'm still trying to figure out how to look at it. Some days I've got it, no problem, other days not so much. That's so cool that you are starting to look at it like that! I'm still trying to figure it out, but this helps! It gives me hope to feel whole as well, thank you.

In response to a question about who I talk to about my ADHD...
My close friends and my family. I've been really quite blessed! Right now my family is going through some really tough times with my sister though so it's hard for them to really have time to look really deeply into it. They are always supportive, although at times there are things that they just don't understand. I have some pretty awesome friends who will always listen to me and help me if/how they can, even when they don't understand it. In fact they love me all the more because it's all just part of who I am :) it's not easy, and a lot of them don't understand, I have yet to meet someone who really understands, at least in person. I had a boyfriend once with adhd, but i don't really get to talk to him anymore, and that was before i knew about mine. that would have been nice. good luck!!


also, keeping this blog/journal is really helping me keep get things out and learn and keep track of things... let's just hope that I can make it through class tomorrow!!