growing up with adhd, and not knowing it... (at least the parts of the story i remember)

It's been a while since I sat and thought about how things used to be, because I've come a long way. Growing up I always just felt different, I knew I was different but for the longest time I didn't know what it was, I just knew that I wasn't like everyone else, and everyone else knew that too. I've always been hugely hyperactive, much more than any other little girl was. I was always moving, always touching, poking at people and a lot of them thought I was weird and different, and they let me know that, especially the other girls. I usually did well in school, but I think it was because it was one thing that I knew I could do well at and it was something I could feel good about. Haha then again, I was always so distracted when I tried to do my work, it took me hours and hours every night to just get a small amount of homework done, that others could get done in no time, not because I didn't know my stuff, but I was so dang distracted, daydreaming, fidgeting with something else, etc, etc. I've always been really hypersensitive too, to the point that I only ever wore loose fitting, baggy clothes, which also made me different, haha lets face it I did look weird, but it was the only thing that was comfortable for me. As I got older, and started becoming a teenager, it just got harder, because of all the ridicule and being an outcast, I became just that, I became so withdrawn, and shut everyone out, while still trying to reach out because that was my nature, it was confusing. I was so confused about who I was and wanted to know what was "wrong" with me, but at the same time, I was to stubborn to ask for help. It was so frustrating to feel so different and not know what was going on. My parents always loved me, and were always so proud of me for the things that accomplished, they worried about me yes, but were always there for me. As I got a little older, I realized that even if I was different, I didn't want to spend my life being unhappy with who I was and letting others make me feel like less than I knew I was. So i decided to change, to start looking up, no matter what came down on me, which was really hard, but slowly I was headed up! Then I started college and finally decided to get some help. I went to see a councilor, finally, who, haha from the start diagnosed me with ADHD! I though he was going to tell me I was depressed and was really taken by surprise when after our talk he asked if I had ever been tested for ADHD! HUH?! He said that I hadn't stopped moving and fidgeting the whole time I had been there, and every time his computer made a noise, or something flashed on the screen, it always caught my attention... it was weird, but also the turning point in my life, for good. He had me tested, and prescribed ritalin, and I will never forget the first time I took that pill... it was amazing! For the first time in my life it was like my whole body let out a sigh of relief, for the first time in my life I sat completely still without it hurting! Everything was clearer, it was amazing! Now it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, there was still having to get my body used to taking meds, there was getting used to when they wore off at night and getting used to and over the side effects and so on, it's still hard, BUT I've learned to look at things in a whole new light, I've learned to love and be happy with who I am, even though every day I struggle with moderate/severe ADHD. Not many people will ever understand what I go through every day, and ADHD will never go away, but what matters is what I do! I can choose to let myself feel down and out, and I can let all the crappy symptoms of ADHD get the better of me, or I can just keep looking forward, embrace my different and who I am, people now (most people, like the ones that matter) respect and love me for the things that make me different, and respect that I can be who I am, and not care what people think. Now, don't get me wrong, there are still people who look down on me, or who see my "different" as having something wrong with me, there will always be people like that. I just have to choose to not let those people bring me down. My own husband has a very hard time dealing with and accepting my ADHD, he doesn't understand why I change so much, why I was acting a certain way a week ago, but this week I'm on the other end of the spectrum, why yesterday I handled something one way, and today it's different, he doesn't get why I'm so loud and crazy, he has a really hard time with it, and there's a lot more to it than that but I won't go in to much too detail. The other night I told him that I wanted him to be completely honest, and I wouldn't get my feeling hurt, but I asked him if sometimes he wished I was just normal, and he said yes, but he does wish that he could understand enough that he didn't sometimes feel that way. I can't even imagine what it will be like to be a mom with adhd, haha I can barely take care of myself, I certainly hope that I can take care of another life. Life with ADHD will always be an adventure, especially when I choose to look at it that way. Yes, things were very hard growing up, and things will continue to be hard every day, but all I have to know is that I can do it.