sleepless

ADHD... oh my goodness... can I just tell you how frustrating this can be...most if not all of the time. My brain will just not cooperate. Lame. I should be sleeping. I'm sick and exhausted and not sleeping is not going to help. I have class tomorrow and I need to be rested. I laid in bed for about 1 1/2 hours trying to fall asleep, but I just couldn't. There are just so many things going through my mind, and my mind just won't stop! My body feels wicked restless as well, probably because it hasn't had much movement at all for the last week. So frustrating. Not to mention, having ADHD, I'm an emotional person, but I've been even more emotional and break downish because I've been sick. It's like my mind and my body and my body are all fighting against each other, and eventually they're all gonna lose when I crash back down after this B12 shot wears off... Also, I wish, that I could get y parents to understand what I go through in my brain and body and emotions and everything every single day. I don't mean seem irresponsible, and be up all night, and overspend without realizing it and fall behind in my classes. I really don't mean to, I have such a hard time making it all work right! The way that it needs to, but I don't have the focus in my mind... it's so frustrating just because I try soooo hard, I literally do my best, and I'm not irresponsible or lazy or making excuses. I simply can't help it. But I think no matter what it'll always be hard for my dad to believe that or understand that. It stinks, because I really do try so hard!! Not to mention I've been really sick, so it makes it even worse, just because my mind and my body are functioning even worse than usual. I didn't mean to not take care of myself, I literally forgot! I wan't being irresponsible or lazy... I tried SO HARD this semester!! BAH!! ok... give yourself a break Nichole, it'll be ok, you know what's up and you're doing your best. Oh man, I think that it might be time for me to try and get back to sleep... ugh, I sure as heck hope that I can fall asleep and stay asleep... not to mention, can I just tell you how hard it is for me to get up in the morning. Because of my ADHD!? Lame... again, not lazy or irresponsible... just not working right. I think I've said this before but if I lost a leg or an eye, people would be able to look at me and SEE that something was wrong, just because I can't open up my head and show you the part of my brain that isn't connected properly doesn't mean that it's not there!! Come on people give me a break!! Oh man, let's hope that I can sleep... lets hope that someday the world can understand that I'm not lazy, irresponsible, or making excuses. ADHD is real, so real, and so not easy, but some of us have to live and cope with it constantly. Just give me the benefit of the doubt, give me a break.